Divorcing A Spouse Who Wants To Stay Together

Divorce: it’s not something anyone plans for, and most people really don’t enjoy the process. If you are married to someone who categorically wants to remain married, things can be exponentially more difficult. How can you move forward with your life without the cooperation of the person you once chose to marry?

Understanding Their Point of View Helps 

The first thing you should do is try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes. Understanding where they are coming from can give you ideas on how to effectively respond. Some of what’s happening in their mind might be :

1. They strongly believe that an intact family as a primary goal in life;
2. They believe that divorce will be bad for the children;
3. They feel like the rug has been pulled out from under them;
4. They are convinced that they can do something to regain your love;
5. They have a religious conviction that divorce is a sin;
6. They are deeply fearful of major change;
7. An attorney has advised them to drag things out to wear you down when it comes to property, support, or custody negotiations;
8. They are anxious about being alone forever;
9. They have genuine concerns about money;
10. They are angry and resentful about your wish to divorce, and feel justified in denying you a chance for happiness.

Now What? 

As you come to understand what’s motivating your spouse’s reluctance to cooperate, you can make decisions as to next steps. Perhaps your spouse simply needs more time and space to process the situation. Could you help them to envision a future that looks wildly unlike the one they’d counted on?  Are they looking for an apology? Can you give them a reason to forgive you for causing them pain? Listening, allowing them to vent, and empowering them to grow will be good for both of you.

1. Steadfastly, but kindly, let your spouse know that you are going forward with the divorce.
2. Talk about how you got here without assigning blame.
3. Assure your spouse that you really believe they can get through it, and that they deserve to find real happiness in the years ahead.
4. Remind them of your complete commitment to co-parenting.
5. Encourage them to find support from family, friends, clergy, and/or a counselor.

If You Still Aren’t Getting Cooperation 

If you ultimately realize your efforts to convince your spouse to cooperate are not going to be fruitful, you will simply have to move forward without their consent.  While it’s possible to slow things down, your reluctant spouse cannot prevent the divorce altogether. But if your spouse flatly disagrees with your plans to move forward, you may have to just file for divorce and consider making concessions or deal with maddening delays until your spouse runs out of ways to hold things up. This could be more expensive for you both, which could be a point worth making to convince them to get on board! If by chance you can’t locate your spouse, you may have to pursue service by process, (which means you have to publish the service in newspapers).

Your Legal Advocate 

The experienced Baltimore family attorneys at The Law Office of Hasson D. Barnes are dedicated to achieving your goals in a divorce. To discuss, schedule a confidential consultation in our Baltimore office today.