If you’ve been thinking about telling your spouse that you want a divorce but just can’t decide if you’re ready to take the leap, it may be worthwhile to do some guided reflection. Mental health worker Mandy Kloppers has developed a series of questions that can help you make the right move for you.

Queries to Consider 

Kloppers’ questions start with feelings going back to the beginnings of your marriage, and they range across topics that lead up to how you’re feeling right now. Some of the key probes include examinations of:

• What motivated you to get married;
• The emotions you felt in those early days;
• Whether or not you currently feel any love for your spouse;
• Reasons you are still together;
• Traits you value in your spouse;
• Examples of the way your spouse treats you;
• The ways in which you wish you were treated by your spouse;
• Examples of the ways you treat your spouse;
• The happiest times in the marriage;
• How satisfied you feel with the relationship today;
• Things you wish you could change to improve the marriage;
• Whether you believe your marriage can be saved, and why you feel that way;
• The efforts you’ve made to improve the relationship;
• Misgivings you have about remaining married;
• Things that worry you about divorcing;
• Apprehensions you have about the impacts of your decision on your children;
• Your gut feeling about what you should do.

Clarity Through Journaling 

Speed-writing immediate responses to the enquiries—simply scrawling down the first thing that comes into your head—is Kloppers’ recommendation. If you’re unsure of what to write, start a sentence with,“ I want…” and see what comes out of your pen. After going through the entire list, sit back and read your responses. Evaluate the way you feel after reading your answers. Does anything irritate, enrage, astonish, depress, or elevate you?

Next Steps 

Your search for inner peace as you wrestle with a weighty decision can be onerous. Knowing that you are facing a strenuous emotional journey while contemplating and potentially experiencing divorce can lead to a reluctance to engage in a deep analysis of your situation. But owning your role in the unraveling of the marriage can ultimately be refreshing. Yes, it’s going to require some nerve to take a good look at your part in things– but self-awareness is the key to moving forward. While it’s no challenge at all to find ways to blame your spouse for their missteps, scrutinizing your own missteps can take genuine strength. Recognizing the decisions and actions on your end that led you to the present moment can be invigorating, though it can take time and involve a mishmash of feelings. Eventually, it can give you the clarity to make the right decision in this moment.

Is This the Right Moment? 

If you conclude that divorce is the right choice for you, the experienced Baltimore divorce attorneys at The Law Office of Hasson D. Barnes can help. We always strive to achieve the best results for you. To discuss, schedule a confidential consultation in our Baltimore office today.

Source:

mentalhealth.com/library/contemplating-divorce